The Advice I Didn't Believe

I remember people telling me, “It gets easier” and nodding in disbelief. How will this get easier?  They didn’t know that I was going through straight hell. Their divorce must not have been as bad as mine. They must not have been hurt as deeply as I was. Clearly, they must have had a different experience to think that any of this ever gets easier.

The first parts of separation/divorce are nothing short of devastation and that is fact. As much as I wanted to show everyone that life goes on in a rich new light, it doesn’t change what you may be currently experiencing. What I experienced. Deep pain, not feeling like it will ever get better, and times where you can’t even remember what happiness felt like. Even though life now looks beautifully different, it doesn't make the earlier stages any easier. It does illustrate hope, though. Hope is best found by immersing yourself in a community created by people who love you and have gone through a similar trauma.

Some days, I had people checking in on me by the hour. Whether it be a text message or a prayer or a phone call. We must rely on those who want to show us support. Let someone watch your kids. Go get a massage. Take some time alone to cry. Dealing with the pain and heartbreak in the day-to-day is rough. It is meant to be done carefully, moment by moment. Celebrate the small victories of handling days well. Did you keep your child alive? Eat something? Laugh at happy hour with some ladyfriends? Perfect! Those are all huge accomplishments when you’re processing the loss of your former life. 

Insert A LOT of healing, prayer, and time and this familiar cliche finally rung true. The things I thought I’d never get past, felt less heavy. The life I thought I’d never be able to let go, was being reinvented. The losses I grieved were being restored. It got easier.

When I asked our private Facebook group, here are a few things that they thought would never get easier, but did. I can relate to each one!

-Living alone

-Interacting with your ex’s new wife

-Time without our kids

-The pain

-Sleeping alone

If you are struggling with one of the above, please write in. I will tell you what helped make it easier for me! My prayers are with you. Take heart, friends. Hold on to the hope it will ALL get easier.